Anhedonia is a psychological condition where a person is unable to find joy in things they once enjoyed immensely. Just getting through the day can be a long and unbearable experience. I know because I suffered from anhedonia for a long time.
This song is about my experiences with anhedonia. It is not a happy song by any means. There is no resolution at the end, just like how the condition feels to those affected. It is a raw account of what it was like for me. I published it on Thanksgiving of 2024 because I was spending the holiday alone, and that was enough for me to want to express those feelings of loneliness. Releasing it on a day we are all supposed to be thankful (here in the US) was an intentional statement.
I had decided to share this song after about a month of deliberation. At first, I thought that the song was too dark and personal. But, on that Thanksgiving, I made the decision to put it out there.
This is not a popular song (well, none of mine are, but you get the point), which was something that I had anticipated. What I didn’t anticipate, however, was that my song would end up being a clinical tool in the treatment of mental health and addiction. My partner, who counsels individuals with addiction issues as well as facilitates anger management course, began to use the song earlier this year in the course of her work. What she had reported back was quite shocking to me.
On more than one occasion, individuals who were typically withdrawn were compelled to speak about their experiences after hearing the song. “It’s like this song was written about me” is a common sentiment that my partner had informed me. I am truly humbled and honored that something as personal and painful as this song is having a positive effect on some of her clients. This was totally unexpected, and it is one of the most rewarding things to have happened in my 30 plus years of playing and writing music.
There is no shame in admitting that you don’t feel well and need help. If you or a loved one suffers from this, there is hope. Don’t give up. Please seek help and know that you are not alone.
If you need immediate assistance, please use these following resources:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: Dial 988 or on the web at 988lifeline.org
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
Mental Health America Crisis Resource Center: Visit mhanational.org for important resources
Lyrics (©2024Kvetchin’ Records)
I haven’t seen another life in days
My own is spent wading through a haze
Smiles now come with less frequency
This loneliness is bleeding me
Dry
Bleeding me dry
I haven’t given a damn in so long
Not since everything has felt so wrong
I often wish for the way things used to be
This loneliness is bleeding me
Dry
Bleeding me dry
I’m just a shell of who I used to be
The one before you, that’s not really me
This sullenness won’t let me break free
To see any of the joy that surrounds me
Bleeding me dry
The loneliness is
Bleeding me dry
The loneliness is
Bleeding me dry
The loneliness is
Bleeding me dry
The loneliness is
Bleeding me dry
It's bleeding me dry