Welcome to The Schnooks HQ:
FYI: Folks, You’re not going to believe this, but I swear upon my father’s life that this is true: One of the binturong from outside got into our server room through an air duct. I swear those binturongs are worse than raccoons and squirrels combined…. I digress.
The binturong, I suppose, peed on the wrong component and caused a huge electric shock. Took out our old website, so things are gonna look different and some stuff missing. I thought that someone just burnt popcorn and took out the breaker. Nope. It was another binturong. I swear the township needs to open up their hunting season earlier.
What is “The Schnooks?”
What? You have never heard of us? Well, join the club! The Schnooks, based in Batavia, Ohio, are not ones to chase popularity on social media. And they refuse to have their music dictated by an algorithm. And to make matters worse, they also use minimal pitch correction, unlike what you here on today’s releases that can sound too polished and fake.
Why? Because even in this digital age of AI ana Auto-Tune, there are still some people out there who prefer the natural human imperfections in music. Like it was for the entirety of music history until the last 25 or so years (thanks, Cher. You ruined it for everyone, and no, I don’t believe in life after love).
Who the Hell is He?
Stephen Bernhard is a Batavia, Ohio, based multi-instrumentalist and studio musician who began playing one instrument or another since about 1991-92. After suffering a debilitating injury that left him disability separated from public safety, he decided to finally lean into his musical background and started the musical project The Schnooks and the Independent label Kvetchin’ Records in 2022.
Do you know why he looks so dour in that image? It has nothing to do with his woman hiding the Doritos from him. He’s kind of over that now. No, it’s because he knows that you haven’t been to The Schnooks’ Bandcamp yet. If you don’t go to The Schnooks’ Bandcamp, or at least their YouTube channel, then he won’t get any money to feed his 9 children.
He’s not angry. He’s sad… for you. You see, because you haven’t been to either Bandcamp or YouTube, those 10 children will have to go hungry again. And it will be your fault. He’s sad that you hate children so much that you are willing to have 11 young, beautiful, innocent souls starve just because you haven’t gone to visit Bandcamp and purchase your favorite Schnooks tune while you’re there. Then Visit, subscribe, like, and comment on a song or two over on YouTube.
Think of the children….
★★
“By far the best band in Batavia that you can find on your favorite music site, by virtue of being the only one.”
Jason Kessler – The New York Thymes
★
“Make it stop Make it stop Make it stop Make it stop Make it stop Make it stop Make it stop Make it stop Make it stop Make it st”
The Late barbara Kaine – The Boston Glob
“No talent. None. Never had any for as long as I’ve heard his music. After 30 years, and he still sounds like a quadriplegic falling into a drum kit. That’s not playing. That’s torturing the listener. And he’s an asshole to boot. I wish that he was more like his brother. No stars.”
Carole bernhard – Stephen’s Mother