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Welcome to the Schnooks HQ! Since you’re here, that obviously means that you are one of our many, many superfans. So, with that in mind, allow us to extend our warmest greetings to a fellow Schnook!
I’ll spare you from having to ask and just tell you that, yes, this incredible work of graphic design and coding that you are now gazing upon was all done by me. I Know what you’re thinking: “How can this one mortal human make a visual masterpiece like this site? He must be a prodigy.” Well, yeah, I am. But I try not to let neither my superior intelligence nor my sex symbol looks get to my head. I’m just a normal person like everyone else. I put my pants on one leg at a time with the assistance of my servants and harem like any other Tom, Dick, or Harry.
We can be found on your favorite streaming service. Unless you use Spotify. If you do, why? You are essentially listening to theft happening! You may not be aware of it, so we want to give you a heads-up…. CLICK HERE for details.
Our Newest Releases!
I’ll be the first to admit that I need all the help I can get to remember scales and chords. So, with the assistance of an AI overlord, I created this: GUITAR AND BASS SCALE FINDER AND REVERSE CHORD SEARCH!
The Latest News and Posts!
What The Fans And Critics Say About Us!
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Average Rating: 14.9 out of 5 based on 339,724,837 totally real and not made up
(I swearsies!) reviews!
A more complete list of services can be found on the Music page
Domine, ignosce, quod mendacium dicturus sum.
“Hearing The Schnooks for the first time is like having God whispering in your ear.”
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Leo XIV, Pope
They Got Me Partying All Night
“If they were around 50 years ago, KISS wouldn’t have stood a chance. No one would have… Alice Cooper, Queen, Led Zeppelin… you name them, and The Schnooks would have wiped the floor with those suckers.”
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Gene Simmons, Dude With Weird Hair
Totally Underrated!
“Give The Schnooks a Grammy! Hell, give them one of mine… they deserve it more than I do!”
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John Legend, Entertainer
I Wish He Was More Like His Brother
“He never calls. My son, he ignores me. His own mother! Oy gevalt! What did I ever do to deserve this? I changed his diapers, for Christ’s sake! It doesn’t cost anything to pick up the phone and call your mother. Tell my little schmeckle that I love him!”
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Mom, Nagging Old Lady
About The Schnooks
The Schnooks is a music project from Batavia, Ohio, created by multi-instrumentalist Stephen Bernhard. Grounded in the belief that music should be made organically rather than chasing trends or algorithms, The Schnooks simply make the music they want, regardless of what is popular.
Within their catalog, you can find funk, blues, comedy, experimental, spoken word, lo-fi, pop, alternative, and even more. Of course, there is a cost
The Schnooks was founded by Stephen Bernhard. Stephen started playing music around 1991 on a cheap used drum kit his brother brought home from the music store where he worked, but townhouse living and unhappy neighbors soon pushed him toward guitar instead.
In high school he filled a vacant bass spot in a band before eventually circling back to drums as his main instrument, though he still thinks of himself as a utility player who can jump in wherever needed rather than a master of any one instrument.
Before launching The Schnooks, Stephen worked in public safety and law enforcement, but an on‑the‑job injury that led to cauda equina syndrome resulted in disability separation from service. Yet he continues to play despite the injury.
