What is “The Schnooks?”
What? You have never heard of us? Well, join the club! The Schnooks, based in Batavia, Ohio, are not ones to chase popularity on social media. And they refuse to have their music dictated by an algorithm. And to make matters worse, they also use minimal pitch correction, unlike what you here on today’s releases that can sound too polished and fake.
Why? Because even in this digital age of AI ana Auto-Tune, there are still some people out there who prefer the natural human imperfections in music. Like it was for the entirety of music history until the last 25 or so years (thanks, Cher. You ruined it for everyone, and no, I don’t believe in life after love).
Who’s “Baldy?”
That stud-muffin holding the red guitar… that is the guy who started this whole abomination. His name is Stephen Bernhard, and he’s been playing one thing or another since around 1991-92. He’s a multi-instrumentalist, playing all of the instruments, all of the production and engineering, and pretty much everything else (unless otherwise credited).
Do you know why he looks so dour in that image? It has nothing to do with Lisa hiding his Doritos. He’s kind of over that now. It’s because he knows that you haven’t been to The Schnooks’ Bandcamp yet. If you don’t go to The Schnooks’ Bandcamp, or at least their YouTube channel, then he won’t get any money to feed his 9 children.
He’s not angry. He’s sad… for you. You see, because you haven’t been to either Bandcamp or YouTube, those 10 children will have to go hungry again. And it will be your fault. He’s sad that you hate children so much that you are willing to have 11 young, beautiful, innocent souls starve just because you haven’t gone to visit Bandcamp and purchase your favorite Schnooks tune while you’re there. Then Visit, subscribe, like, and comment on a song or two over on YouTube.
Think of the children….
★
“By far the best band in Batavia that you can find on your favorite music site, by virtue of being the only one.”
Jason Kessler – The New York Thymes
★
“Have you ever wondered what a guitar with diarrhea sounded like? Well, now you know “
barbara Kaine – The Boston Glob
“No talent. None. Never had any for as long as I’ve heard his music. After 30 years, and he still sounds like a quadriplegic falling into a drum kit. That’s not playing. That’s torturing the listener. And he’s an asshole to boot. No stars.”
Carole bernhard – Stephen’s Mother